Alone
by Eeba Joller
Summary: Out of all the emotions I could feel, the only one that never leaves, is the feeling that I am more alone than I have ever been. Basically Barry's thoughts while in prison.


**Disclaimer-I own non of the characters in this one-shot.**

Alone.

I've never felt so alone.

Though there are hundreds of people crowded together. I Barry Allen am alone. I remember the days when I begged Iris to just leave me alone, to just let me think, but she never did. And I hated her for that. But now I don't want anything more than to come home from fighting the meta of the week, to see her beautiful face, to hear her gentle, wise words, and to fall asleep to her in between my arms. But now, I sit on this rickety bed, and wait for 1:30 to come. 45 minutes left. 30 minutes left. 20 minutes left. 5 minutes left. "Mr. Allen, your 1:30 is here." And then he cuffs me, and drags me to the wobbly chair, where I sit and discuss what I am missing out on. What they've come up with on how to get me out of this hell. But I know that there is no way to run away from this. No way to disguise myself behind a mask. No way to help people. No way to feel less alone.

Other than waiting, I think. I think about how I might not be able to get out of here. How, I might have already lost the battle with Devoe. I might have already lost my freedom, my will, my friends, my family. I've lost so much in one week. I try my best to think about what I could possibly gain from this but, this isn't like the speed force. While I was in the speed force, I knew it wasn't real. Yes, it was my own personal hell but, in the very back of my head, I knew that it wasn't real. But this takes on a whole new level of real. In fact, everything is too real. I'm ready to wake up to Lady Gaga, and Caitlin telling me to pee in a cup. For this to just be some coma induced dream. But it isn't. And there is no voice in the back of my head telling me otherwise.

I miss them. Iris. Cisco. Caitlin. Joe. Harry. Wally. Hell even Ralph. I even miss his incompetent rambling. Everything I once wanted to get away from, I know want more than ever. I'll never be able to sit at home in the loft and watch Star Wars with Cisco again. Never again be able to help Oliver on one of his new foes. Never again get to hear Kara's non-super powered talent. Never again be able to listen as Caitlin tells me and Cisco how to defeat the current meta of the week. Never again be able to come home to Iris and talk till two in the morning. But most of all, I'll never be able to put a stop to Devoe. Never. He already won. And I already lost.

Hate. Hate is a strong word. I used to fear that word. But now it's like I use it everyday. Hate the sticky mashed potatoes they serve in the cafeteria. Hate when people ask me what I'm in for, only to have them say "Yeah everyone's innocent here." Hate the days when I have no visitors. Hate the filthy pair that framed me and put me in here for the rest of my life. I just got married. I should be thinking about love, not hate. But somehow the word will not drift from my mind.

I never found out why. Why Devoe and his evil "partner" hated me so much. Was this what he planned all along. But again, why? What does he gain? He never wanted my speed, my life, he just wanted to win. To be the king of his own castle. But I'm tired of waiting for his plan to finnaly unfold, to reveal why he really did all this, to give me a second chance to defeat him. But sadly I will never get that second chance.

I wonder how my father kept himself going. How he remained so positive. Well, maybe he's like me. When Iris or Cisco visit, I don't let them see. I don't let them see how sleep deprived, depressed, and anxious I am. I don't let them see how I'm about to fall apart, instead I build up my walls so high that not even I can knock them down. I just want to tell them what I'm feeling. But I can't. I just can't.

My name is Barry Allen. And I am alone.

 **A/N Thank you so much for reading! Please review if you want me to maybe add Iris's POV. Constructive criticism always helps! I know this was kinda dark, but I think it really fits how Barry should be feeling right now. I mean I know the speed force changed him and what ever, but I mean SERIOUSLY, he may be just a tiny bit too happy about being in prison. Besides that I really like how there portraying Barry this season. Anyways thanks for reading and wear your seatbelt!**

 **-Eeba**


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